Note to self: Self-care is important.

See this girl? Dressed like a patriotic Richard Simmons? That's me, the day after I last thought about suicide. July 23, 2017. I know the date because I volunteered at a parade, which is why I'm dressed like this (obviously). The thing is, I haven't thought about suicide since then, but I also haven't really been ok since then. I never made it back to healthy; I just wallowed in this weird phase of not-ok for more than a year.

Sure, I live with depression, but I'm not depressed. Sure, I'm a workaholic and my work is overwhelming, but I'm always overwhelmed. It's my status quo. Sure, I'm not great about self-care, but who has time for that?? I'm busy saving the world and doing the work that no one else really wants to do. Ain't nobody got time for self-care. Except we all know that's a one way ticket to burnout.

It wasn't until I read an article about compassion fatigue that I finally acknowledged there was something wrong with me, and it needed fixing, AND I was going to have to do some work to fix it. So I quit my job. Or at least I tried to quit my job. Because I knew I couldn't recuperate while doing my job, and I thought it was the only way I would be able to find rest and recovery. But thankfully, I was super honest about why I was quitting, and my supervisor really listened to my concerns, and wanted to help. So instead of quitting my job, I agreed to taking a 30-day leave of absence with the goal of rest and rejuvenation.

Now that I have a plan, and a therapist, and the month of November free to focus on wellness, I have more hope and peace than I've had in the past several years! Just having a plan and hope for recovery is huge. Last week, I had no hope for any of that. My work is my mission and I love my soldiers, but I couldn't see any way for me to continue being effective at this job.

So here's the plan! I'm going to blog my way through this wellness recovery plan and share all the stuff I try, and all the things that work, and maybe stuff that doesn't work. Who knows? My first step actually started several weeks ago when I changed my focus on healthy eating. Step two was breaking my weekend down into productive goals easily accomplished. And step three was finding a local therapist who can start seeing me right away. There is more on the horizon; step four is trying a new yoga class. But I'll break these down later and talk more about them individually.

Wish me luck! I am pretty excited about the potential to have new energy and passion for my work at the end of this process. With the goal of continuing the helpful things going forward so I can STAY mentally healthy and STAY focused on mental wellness. It's not a short term goal, people. Mental wellness is a life-long process! I'm going to try really hard not to forget that again. ;)