When I look in the mirror, or see photos of myself, I don't see what you see. I think it's a minor form of body dysmorphic disorder. My roommate took this After photo; we took about 12 of them and I hated every single one. This was the last one he took and before I had looked at it, he said, Oh this one is perfect, you look great. I didn't, and still don't, agree, but I realize that I will never agree, and so I trusted his opinion and used this photo. When I look at this photo, all I see is huge thighs that need more work. I know this probably isn't accurate, and I have worked hard to adjust my thinking and give myself credit for the hard work I've accomplished. My 2014 resolution was to be kinder to myself.
I've gotten feedback from people who say things like, "You must look in the mirror and have a lot of pride in how you look now." When I look at photos, or see myself in the mirror, I focus on what still needs to be done. The only thing I like about this photo is my arms; I've put a lot of hard work into my upper body and it's still a work in progress, but I am much happier with the results of that hard work. My lower body is an entirely different story that I won't focus on here, because sometimes you need to accentuate the positive, and eliminate the negative.
My depression is managed by a variety of things. Holistic health and fitness is the foundation, from the amount of sleep I get and the volunteer work I do, to healthy eating and a schedule of daily exercise, it all works together to keep me mentally, physically and spiritually healthy. Using my experiences to help others is a huge part of that, and I am a suicide prevention and intervention volunteer who works mainly with soldiers and Veterans. That's what gives me purpose; keeping them healthy and happy is what helps me stay healthy and happy. I consider that a win-win situation. :)
