Pumpkin Cream Cheese Brownies

I've made these a few times now, but I kept forgetting to take pictures. They are so amazing. I bake them like brownies in a 9"x12" glass pan. The outer bars will be a little more firm and cake like, while the inside bars will be more like gooey brownies. So gooey that you will probably eat them with a fork. You could try cooking it a little longer, but I think the outer edges would come out too dry. As it is, I still end up feeding the very edges to my dogs. They love all things pumpkin and this is one of their favorites. Plus, it's not overly sweet and fairly low in sugar.

I started out with this recipe for Pumpkin Cake with Cream Cheese Swirl and then I veered off and did my own thing. Shocking, I know. Her photos are so pretty and artistic! You're just lucky I remembered to snap a few with my phone. ;) This was purely for me, my roommates, and maybe some co-workers if it lasts until Monday, so I wasn't trying for artistic. With a little effort, you could probably make yours prettier if you tried. Here's my version. All it takes is one bowl and an electric mixer of some sort. I use a cheapy hand-held and it works just fine.

Pumpkin Cream Cheese Brownies

1/2 cup butter (1 stick softened)
2 eggs
1 can pumpkin (not pie filling)
2 tsp vanilla extract/flavoring
2 tbls pumpkin pie spice
1 box yellow cake mix
8 oz fat free cream cheese, softened (or reduced fat, or full fat, your choice)
1/4 cup Vanilla creamer of your choice (I use coconut creamer)

1. Preheat oven to 350 and either spray a 9"x12" pan with cooking spray, line with parchment paper, or butter and flour. I use cooking spray.
2. In a large bowl, cream together butter, eggs, pumpkin and 1 tsp vanilla with an electric mixer. Set beaters aside but don't wash them yet.
3. Across the top of this mixture, sprinkle one tbl of pumpkin pie spice and stir that in.
4. Dump cake mix on top of that and sprinkle the remaining tbl of pumpkin pie spice on top of cake mix, and stir this all in. It should be a moist batter but not runny.
5. Press pumpkin mixture down into the pan.
6. Using the same bowl and electric mixer, cream together cream cheese, vanilla creamer and 1 tsp vanilla extract. Here's where you can get artistic if you want to.
7. You can drop the cream cheese mixture on top of the pumpkin mix and then swirl it around all pretty, or you can spread it across the top and then mix it into the top layer of pumpkin mix. I like to spread and combine it a little into the pumpkin, but it's your choice.
8. Bake at 350 for 30 minutes, turn off the oven and bake for another 10 minutes with the oven off, then remove from oven.
9. Let it cool completely in the pan before you start cutting or it makes a mess. Or, just make a mess and cut immediately, like I do.

Do Hard Things. Be Kind to Yourself. Fake it 'til you Make it.

I'm gonna be brutally honest here. I have no desire to workout right now. None. Zip. Nada. I dread going to the gym just about every day. I'm tired. I still have a 2 hour drive home after I workout. I really just want to go home. My goal right now is just to make it to the gym 6 days a week. If I just show up and do something sweaty, I consider that a win. But my motivation is at an all time low. The beauty of forcing myself to go anyway is that I never regret a workout. But I would damn sure regret it if I didn't go.

Ironically, I am currently making a lot of progress and seeing improvement weekly. I've lost weight, trimmed down some body fat and am really starting to see muscle definition. My healthy eating habits are fantastic, physically I feel great and my self-esteem is through the roof. But I have been in a mental funk for the past month and every day is a chore to drag myself to the gym. Since I live with depression, this is nothing new.

Do hard things. That's one of the life mottos I live by. Just do it anyway. Yes, it's gonna be hard, either mentally or physically. But you will not regret accomplishing something difficult. You will only regret avoiding it. But at the same time, be kind to yourself. I've been eating a strictly healthy, sugar and caffeine free diet for 6 weeks. It was getting boring. I needed a break. I went to the grand opening of a local business and it was catered with some truly beautiful appetizers and desserts. I ate whatever I wanted, as much as I wanted. Cookies, chocolate cheesecake, amazing meatballs, sausage, cheese, pickles. I ate it all and regretted nothing. Ok, I had a sugar high and felt sick to my stomach for several hours after. But I still did an hour of cardio that evening and went right back to my healthy diet the next day. Be kind to yourself.

Fake it 'til you make it. My last tidbit of wisdom for the day. I am totally faking my workouts right now. I'm not feeling it. I don't want to be there. I have an overall plan for the week (6 days of cardio, 5 days of weight sets) but when I get there, I just do whatever feels right for that day. But I know that if I keep faking it, eventually I will start feeling good about it again. I will find my motivation, I will research some interesting article, I will reach a new weight goal and suddenly feel hugely accomplished. I know that will happen. So I just keep faking it, until I make it to that moment. Because I know it's on the horizon somewhere. And I know it will feel freaking amazing when I get there.